The long road to recovery
by Adannaya
Summary: Cristina and Owen rebuilding their marriage after the plane crash.
1. Waking up

**Summary: This is a Cristina/Owen centered story. I am starting out with an extended scene from episode 23. This is my first fanfic ever and I am warning you that English is not my native language, so some grammar mistakes may occur, for which I apologize in advance. **

**Disclaimer: All charterers are intellectual property of Shonda Rhimes. **

"_I am happy." Owen said gently brushing Cristina's hair. "I know this doesn't fix anything. I am just happy." _

_Cristina looked at him for a moment, took a small breath and said "I am leaving."_

_After leaning for few moments on his chest, she got up and started getting dressed. It was only when she put on her scrub top, she heard Owen call her name in a low voice._

"_Cristina..."_

_Her heart skipped a beat. His voice was full of pain. Cristina didn't look back, she couldn't bear looking at him, knowing that his eyes were full of tears. She took a deep breath and spoke recalling her conversation with Meredith._

"_Owen, we can't continue doing this to each other. You should be with someone who wants children. And I should be..." her voice got caught up in her throat. It was painful talking about a potential future relationship with what was after all her husband. "...and I should be with someone who wants...me."_

Cristina opened her eyes and felt quite confused by the flash of memory she just had. She felt paralyzed. Her entire body was hurting and her bladder was about to explode. After rubbing her eyes for a while, she looked around – she was wearing a hospital gown, there was an IV going out of her right arm and her left arm was wrapped in a swing. She could easily identify the interior of a hospital room. It was semi-dark and quiet, which meant she was not in the ICU. She tried to get up, when the pain of her shoulder hit her and she released a small groan. Suddenly there was a movement from her right side and she turned her head around to meet two blue eyes filled with concern.

"Hey..." Owen said gently getting close to her, but not daring to touch her. "How are you feeling?"

"The bathroom..." she replied barely, feeling as if she forgotten how to speak.

"Oh, yes, let me help you with that. " Owen gently helped her get off the bed and led her to the bathroom. "You've been pumped full of liquids, since you were severely dehydrated." he told her once she was out of the bathroom and helped her get back in bed.

"Where...what...what happened?" Cristina asked in confusion. "Where am I, what day is today, where..."

"Shh, relax. You are safe. You were all admitted in the hospital almost three days ago. You are in Idaho, it is Friday..." he stopped for a while to take a look at his watch. "...3.17 a.m." he watched her trying to realize the information he just told her. "You were admitted with minor injuries, but severe dehydration , weakness and you've lost all of your fat tissue. They gave you a massive doze of benzodiazepines and you've been asleep for the past 50 hours."

"I am starving!" Cristina suddenly realized her desperate need for food.

"Okay, just wait a minute." Owen stormed out of her room and while she was trying to remember the past few days, he was back carrying with him what appeared to her very modest quantity of food.

"That's it?" she said, while he was opening a yogurt for her.

"Cristina, after what your body has been through you need to start eating in a carefully controlled manner." he said offering her a spoon full of what appeared to be a strawberry yogurt. "You were starving for days, a large and heavy amount of food is only going to worsen your condition."

She took it without questioning. She quickly finished off the yogurt and ate the rest of the food that Owen offered her, which was mainly small amounts of vegetables, some fish and bean based warm dish. She was surprised how this small amount of food was able to make her stomach full. Owen smiled as he disposed of the empty boxes and then reached to his pocket and gave her a small chocolate bar.

"Oh, god...thank you!" she reached out greedily and quickly broke a piece of the chocolate and felt the incredible sensation of meting it in her mouth. Owen smiled and leaned back to his chair.

"What is the last thing you remember?" he asked quietly hoping he was not pushing her too soon.

She stood there for a while, still chewing on yet another piece of the chocolate, trying to recall the events.

"I remember..." she stood silent for few more seconds. "...we spent two nights...I think. Yes, two nights. I can't recall much..right now...wait. Mark?" memories of the plane crash suddenly started flashing through her mind.

"He will most likely need another surgery. He arrived in critical condition." Owen knew she was going to ask about the rest of the passengers so he continued talking. "Arizona just got discharged from the ICU, she should make a full recovery. Derek and Meredith are together – she seems to be doing quite well, but he will need longer time to recover, especially due to the severe injury of his hand."

"The pilot?" Cristina asked.

"He...is in the ICU. Most likely will stay paralyzed for the rest of his life." Owen replied in a lower voice.

"Lexie died." Cristina said suddenly and tears filled her eyes. "She...she was trapped under the...she died."

"I know. Her father is here."

Cristina laid back and exhaled deeply. What appeared to Owen as a cry was actually a laugh that very soon turned hysterical. He stood up and approached her, gently putting his arm on her shoulder.

"Are you...okay?" his voice was filled with concern.

Cristina continued laughing out loud, which soon attracted the curious looks of few nurses. Owen didn't really know what to do or say, he was just standing there wondering where was this coming from. After few more minutes, Cristina was able to catch her breath.

"I...I was in a plane crash!" she said and continued to laugh. "I boarded a plane and it freaking crashed!" her laugh was getting more and more hysterical. "Can you imagine that? An actual plane crash! After...after everything...this? Seriously? Like...I first have one of my friends almost die from cancer, then another one gets hit by a bus, then Meredith is like...I don't know five hours with no heart beat after drowning...oh, no wait, that was before Izzie and George. Oh and then...a guy walks into the hospital and shoots people, almost kills Derek, then you, then Meredith..." she stopped for a while trying to control her laughter. "...and then we all board a plane for Idaho and it freaking crashes! And Lexie died!" after her last statement she started laughing again uncontrollably. "Lexie is dead, Owen! How...how insane is that? And...the rest of us...lived." she spent few more minutes laughing and just as her breath was starting to even out she added. "We may not be the best surgical program in the country, but when it comes to the most sick and twisted life-threatening tragedies we are hands down number one!" then she twisted her face in a mocking grin and changed her voice as if she was one of the people advertising anti-depressants on TV. "Are you a medical student looking for a surgical residency program? Do you want to experience a life-threatening situation at least once in your life? Are you willing to risk dying in a mass shooting or a plane crash? Then come to Seattle Grace Mercy Death!" as she exploded in yet another series of uncontrollable laughter, Owen looked at her with a mix of shock, relief and genuine concern. Then he turned back and headed for the door.

Cristina caught her breath between laughs and asked. "Where...where are you going?"

"To schedule you for a psyche consult." he replied and heard her explode in laughter once more as he left the room.

Owen came back twenty minutes later and found one of the nurses switching her IV bag.

"Something wrong?" he asked immediately.

"Just switching her IV bag. We also gave her some benzo's and anti-psychotics. " then she turned to him and said. "Doctors orders". the nurse left the room and Owen looked at Cristina who appeared much more relaxed now.

Owen approached the bed, put his hands in his pockets and looked at her for a long moment. He recalled the relief he felt once he learned she was alive. The pain of losing her to Mayo was nowhere near the one he felt from the idea that she might have died.

"Owen..." Cristina called him, her voice sounding relaxed and somewhat tired.

He looked up, shaking off his thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Please...lay next to me." her eyes were begging him and although he was scared, the pain of their lovemaking and her leaving less than a week ago was still fresh, he couldn't say no to her plea. He took off his shoes and climbed next to her, carefully putting his arm around her, avoiding her injured shoulder. She removed her head from the pillow and snuggled on his chest, feeling his heart beat.

"Owen..." she called him almost whispering.

"Yes..."

"I...don't want this to be the last time you hold me."

Owen froze not knowing what to take from this – was this the drugs talking, or the fear, or was this actually Cristina telling him she doesn't want to leave?

"I will hold you as long as you want me to." he replied and gave her a light kiss on her forehead.

**I hope you liked it. Comments and reviews will be deeply appreciated! **


	2. Pain is worth it

_The human body is a complex machine designed to survive even under the most unsurvivable set of circumstances. At the top of our spines, there is a three pounds of tissue that controls everything we do, say and feel. An organ that works faster than any computer, processing around one hundred trillion instructions every second. Our brains can asses any situation in a matter of nanoseconds and produce the most suitable reaction for our survival. Yet, when it comes to feelings, this extraordinary organ sometimes feels useless, because when your feelings clash with your reason, there is no biochemical reaction that can balance the two._

Cristina was dragging her IV stand through the halls of the hospital. When she woke up this morning, Owen was gone, so despite the numerous medical advices by doctors and nurses, she left her bed in a search for her person. Meredith.  
She found her, curled up next to Derek and Zola. April had flown all the way from Seattle with her and then returned to the hospital, because with Owen and half of the surgical staff gone, they were always in need for another set of hands, even if those hands weren't board certified. Cristina didn't stay for too long – she did feel unnecessary in the picture of a husband, wife and their daughter. It was a natural response for humans, after a traumatic event to hold on to what and whom they valued most. And besides her strong bond with Meredith, they have both changed for the past couple of years. Now they weren't just surgical residents, fighting over surgeries. They were wives and Meredith was a mother. It was only natural to have shift in priorities.

When she reached her room, Cristina immediately grabbed her chart and started doing corrections. She was so over consumed with her medical records that she didn't even hear the door open. It wasn't until the chart was gently taken off her hands that she acknowledged the presence of Owen in the room.

"You know, you can at least try to act like you almost died just few days ago." he said in somewhat tired, but still very gentle voice. He put her chart back in its place and sat on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Great." she replied, playing with the pen in her hands. "I am pumped full of opiate based pain killers. It's like tequila with no hangover."

Owen pushed himself to laugh at her sarcastic reply. He was tired. Ever since he heard about the accident he hasn't been sleeping, eating or laying down for more than few hours. And now when the rescue mission was over, he remembered that he was still the chief of surgery at a major teaching hospital, and although he wanted to lay next to his wife and not wake up for days, he had to go back to Seattle.

"I talked to Dr. Watson." he said. Cristina raised an eyebrow. "Your primary physician here. He said you can be discharged tomorrow morning."

Cristina stood silent. She never really thought about what was going to happen after she gets discharged from the hospital. Everything seemed too surreal for her.

"I have to go back to Seattle. The surgical staff is outnumbered and Callie is here to take care of Arizona and Mark, so I am out of three heads of departments already." he stopped for a while, observing her face. She showed no emotion, which confused him even more. "If you want to stay here with Meredith and the others..."

"It's okay." Cristina interrupted him. "I can go home."

He looked at her with a surprised look. He wasn't expecting her to be willing to go back to Seattle so soon, especially since Meredith was still in the hospital and especially since the relationship between them was still in the middle of nowhere.

"Are you sure?" Owen asked her, trying to make eye contact.

"Yes." she replied. "I don't need...I don't want to be here."

"Okay. So...I have to go and check with Callie about Mark and Arizona and make some calls back in Seattle. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, don't worry, I am fine." Cristina replied trying really hard to sound confident.

Owen got up and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"You are not fine. Nothing about what happened is fine, so try to relax and get some more sleep, because we are flying out tomorrow morning."

"Wait...we are...flying?" Cristina asked him a bit shocked.

Owen froze for a second. He didn't realize that getting back on an airplane so soon was actually not such a good idea.

"Well I can drive. It is not that...far out actually. Just the neighbor state." Owen suggested.

"No, it's okay...I am okay. We can take the flight tomorrow morning." Cristina tried to reassure him.

Owen's mobile started ringing. He didn't make any attempt to answer it, instead he was just watching Cristina. When she eventually laid back and broke eye contact with him, he picked it up and left the room. She exhaled and said to herself – _that plane better be fresh out of the factory_!

* * *

"So...you are leaving tomorrow?" Meredith had come over for a visit in the late afternoon after both Derek and Zola were deeply asleep.

"Yeah. Owen is going back to Seattle, you know being the chief of surgery and having half of his surgical staff gone." Cristina was digging into a chocolate pudding she kind of stole from the hallway.

"So..." Meredith prolonged again. "...you are going back with Owen? Like...what exactly?"

Cristina put down the small plastic spoon and looked at her.

"We are not divorced." she said.

"Yet." Meredith replied.

"Meredith..."

"Look, Cristina, I get it, you are scared and you have every right to be. You almost died. But please do not make the same mistake you made last year."

"What are you talking about, Mer?"

"You know what I am talking about."

"Is this about Owen?"

"Of course it is about Owen. You are doing the exact same thing you did a year ago. You are running off to him, because you are scared and afraid to be alone. Do you remember when I asked you to postpone the wedding?"

"I didn't get married to Owen, because I was afraid to be alone, I married him because I loved him." Cristina replied in her defense.

"Would you have married him if you knew that the children part was such a deal breaker for him that he would run off and cheat on you?"

_Damn, that was a punch in the stomach,_ Cristina thought.

'I...don't know." Cristina said and continued eating the chocolate pudding.

"You see? Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Meredith..." Cristina looked at her with eyes starting to fill up with tears. "When I woke up yesterday...in pain, shock and confusion Owen was right next to me. Sitting on that chair." she pointed out the chair on her right side and continued. "Okay...here is the thing. Shit happens, okay?"

"Okay..." Meredith said a bit confused.

"This accident could have happened to me anytime, anywhere. It could have happened, I don't know, like three or four years from now, while I was flying out from Minnesota to somewhere else. But you know what would have been the difference?"

"I am not really following, but make your point." Meredith said.

"If I had left. Gotten divorced...I would have woken up in a strange hospital in a strange state...alone. Completely alone. I don't want to be alone."

"Here, this is exactly what you did when you got married to..."

"Stop, just stop!" Cristina shouted and Meredith jumped off in surprise. "I don't want to hear it, okay? I know I got married way too fast, I know it was all rushed and I didn't think this through. I know I should have waited and made sure we were both on the same page. I know that."

"Then why are you heading down the same road again?" Meredith asked. "I am really trying to understand you Cristina, but...few days ago you told me you are leaving for Mayo and now you are heading back to Seattle. What happened?"

Cristina stood silent for a while, then took a deep breath and brushed off her tears.

"When your mother was lucid and she got admitted to the hospital, I asked her if I can have it all. Surgery, career and a husband. Burke had just proposed and I was still wondering whether or not to accept his proposal." she stopped for a while and then continued in a lower voice. "I asked her if it was possible, because she was a great surgeon, but her marriage failed, so I was wondering if I can have both." she looked up at Meredith to see her eyes starting to tear up slowly. "She told me...she didn't try hard enough."

Meredith looked away and wiped off a falling tear. They both stood in silence for a while, until Cristina spoke up again.

"I want to try hard enough, Mer. If I walk out of this marriage I want to know, to be able to say, I tried hard enough."

It was a long and painful silence for both of them. For a first time in their long friendship, they realized that the sister like love they had for each other wasn't enough. That there was this one other relationship that was more important for both of them.

Meredith rolled to Cristina's side and switched on the TV, putting her head on her shoulder. Cristina leaned her head towards hers and they started flipping through the channels until they found something that was able to divert their attention from the conversation they just had.

"I think you should really get that psychiatric consult." Meredith said and suddenly they both started laughing, before settling down in a comfortable silence.

* * *

Owen was walking though the hallway, rushing back to Cristina's room. His head was hurting, his back was killing him and still the only thing he wanted more than a comfortable bed and a glass full of scotch was laying next to Cristina. She wanted to come back to Seattle. With him. That was a good sign he thought at first. But then he remembered her shivering on the couch after the shooting – a memory that made him second guess his moves. What if this was just the trauma talking? What if she leaves again, once she gets better? There were hundreds of scenarios going through his head, but he knew that right now wasn't the moment to bring up any of his fears.

With his quick pace and lost in thoughts he walked into Cristina's room without thinking. He froze, once he saw her and Meredith curled up next to each other, watching the TV with blank eyes. From the small pile of tissues and the reddish color of their eyes it was obvious they have both being crying.

"Um, I am sorry...I didn't know..." he turned around confused with the intention of leaving the room, when Meredith spoke up.

"Owen, wait. I am leaving." she said and started to get up carefully from the bed. He approached her and help her stand on her feet. Her leg was hurt and she was still limping.

"Do you want me to help you back to your room?" he offered.

"No, its fine. I can walk." she half smiled and then turned to Cristina.

"Come over tomorrow morning before you leave, okay?" she said and headed for the door.

"Okay." Cristina replied and waited for the door to close.

Owen followed Meredith with his eyes and then he turned to Cristina.

"You look like crap." she said.

"Thanks." he smiled back at her comment.

"No seriously. I've been in a plane crash and I look better than you."

"Well, I haven't been sleeping...well." he lied.

"You haven't been sleeping at all, but if saying "well" makes you feel tougher be my guest." Cristina moved a little bit over to the left and gestured to the empty space next to her. "You should get some sleep."

He nodded and went to the bathroom to freshen up and change his clothes. He came back wearing a sports pants and a t-shirt and he rolled into the bed next to Cristina. It took a while for them to find a comfortable angle for both. Cristina switched off the TV and put her head on his chest ready to fall asleep. Owen fought the urge, but at the end he couldn't help it, so he spoke up quietly.

"Cristina..."

"Yes?" she replied, obviously still awake.

"I don't want to rush you into this conversation, but can you tell me one thing?"

"Just ask."

"After we go back to Seattle and as you get better...are you going to leave me?"

The pain in his voice went like a sharp knife through Cristina's chest.

"I am a surgeon Owen. I quit only after I have exhausted every single option."

_The upper brain is the main asset that make us a superior species. While animals respond directly to their instincts, we humans complicate. We put reason over instincts. We process, analyze and hold back. This is why relationships between humans are far more complicated. And sometimes we embrace them even if they bring us pain, because we are always hoping for a better outcome at the end. And because our brain knows that sometimes pain is worth it. _

* * *

**Wow, thanks for the reviews and pure compliments on my writing, fellas! I have a very clear idea of how I want to see Cristina/Owen relationship move forward and the storyline of some of the other characters, so if you like it keep an eye, because there will be more chapters to come!**


	3. Flight

_As surgeons we locate the damage and excise it with a surgical instrument. When you spent your entire adult lives learning about the complex biochemical interactions in the body, it is hard to believe that some traumas cannot be fixed with a carefully synthesized chemical or a scalpel. This is why most surgeons disregard psychology as a real science and do not believe in therapy. Therefore we struggle harder with psychological trauma than others. _

"I will keep in touch with you and follow on your progress." Owen was standing in a room with Meredith and Callie. "Make sure to keep me updated about Derek, Mark and Arizona's condition, okay?"

"No problem." Callie reassured him and stood up. "So you are leaving today?"

"Yes, our flight is in a couple of hours." Owen replied.

"Wait Cristina is coming with you?" Callie asked surprised.

Meredith gave Owen a quick glance before looking away.

"Yes. The doctors say she is stable enough to go home, but she needs to start therapy as soon as possible, considering the fact she has a prior case of PTSD." Owen said and shot a quick look at Meredith.

"Okay then. Have a...safe flight I guess and hear from you soon." with that said Callie left the room.

Owen and Meredith stood in an uncomfortable silence for a while, before he spoke up first.

"So...have a quick recovery, Grey. I hope you and Derek get back on your feet as soon as possible." he nodded and turned around to leave.

"Owen." Meredith stopped him and stood up, crossing her hands in front of her chest.

"Yes?" he turned back at met her eyes.

"You don't like me very much do you?" she asked.

"Um..." he was caught a bit off guard.

"It's okay. I don't like you either." she ignored his lack of words and moved on to her point. "When I talked to you few months ago about the abortion you seemed to understand where Cristina was coming from, when she reached this decision. And the fact that you held her hand while she had the procedure..."

"Okay, I have to stop you there." Owen raised his voice a bit. "This is really none of your business, you have no idea how I felt..."

"No, it is my business. And yes, I know you felt horrible, I can relate to your pain. I know what its like to loose a child, remember?"

Owen looked down, remembering the pain in her eyes, when she realized she was having a miscarriage, but still stood on her feet and continued to fix his gun shot wound.

"It is my business Owen. She may be your wife, but she is my best friend and I have been around long before you came into her life and I have seen her struggle and get hurt numerous times. I was there when Burke left her at the alter, I had to rip off her wedding gown with scissors and then I watch her suffer day after day from what he did to her." Meredith's voice was getting angrier and angrier with each passing second.

"I am never going to hurt her the way he did..." Owen tried to defend himself, while trying to shake off the picture of devastated Cristina in a wedding gown from his head.

"You already did." Meredith said in a cold voice. "It wasn't the failed wedding that devastated her. It was the fact that he tried to turn her into something she wasn't. Until one day she looked into a mirror and didn't recognize herself. What he did was incredibly hurtful, but when he realized he didn't love her for who she was he left. So, Owen you have to decide whether or not you love Cristina for the woman she is, not for the woman you would like her to be. And if you stay, I will do my best to find a way to like you, because I know that you are the love of her life. If you weren't, she would have never put herself though all this."

Owen stood there in silence and waited few more seconds, before speaking.

"Are you done?" he asked her in a cold voice.

"Yes." she answered.

"Good. For the past couple of months I have seen two of the most important women in my life terribly hurt. I know I am responsible for most of the distress Cristina has been through, but I've had enough of blaming and pointing fingers at my direction. So, Meredith do not ever talk to me about how I should handle my wife, because you are not part of this marriage, I am." he looked at her for one last time, making sure she absorbed every single word he just said and then left the room.

Owen and Cristina were waiting in line to board their plane to Seattle. She has been quite calm and collected throughout the journey to the airport, but now she was getting nervous and anxious. Owen was gently running his hand up and down her back, trying to calm her down.

"We can always drive back to Seattle." he suggested again, noticing her raising anxiety by just watching the glass doors that were separating them from the airplane.

"I – am – fine!" Cristina said even more annoyed by his concern.

Owen had taken some anti-anxiety medication with him, just in case she has a panic attack. Soon the glass doors opened and people started handing out their boarding passes. A young and charming flight attendant was wishing every passenger a pleasant flight, which was kind of ironic for Cristina, since only few days ago what should have been a pleasant flight ended up being a complete tragedy.

After the safety lecture, the plane started moving and Cristina started feeling more and more uncomfortable. Owen was following every single movement and expression with a raising concern.

Once the plane took off the the turbulence accelerated, Cristina grabbed Owen's hand and he was astonished by the hurtfully strong grip her tiny hand was capable of.

"Are you okay?" he asked her quietly, leaning forward to her ear.

She shook her head in response.

Owen handed out few of the pills he had taken and handed it to her with a small bottle of water.

"Here, drink this. It will relax you."

Cristina took them without even questioning what he was giving her. Soon, she felt the effects of the medication and slowly started to relax, but even then she didn't let go of Owen's hand. Halfway through the flight he was starting to consider alternative career paths, because he was pretty sure by the time they land, his hand would have lost sensation and dexterity.

Once the plane hit the ground, Cristina started removing her safety belt and if it wasn't for Owen to grab her at the last second, she would have probably gotten up.

"Cristina, wait, just few more minutes. The plane has to be brought to a complete stop." he gently tried to pull her closer to him, but she resisted.

"I want to get out of here!" she insisted and made another attempt to get up.

Other passengers were already starting to stare at them and Owen could see the growing fear and panic in her eyes. He grabbed her more roughly and turned her head, so he can look into her eyes.

"Cristina, look at me...just look at me!" Owen insisted, until she raised her eyes to his. "Forget where you are. Just focus on me and breathe." their foreheads met and their eyes did not leave each other until the plane completely stopped and a cheerful female voice welcomed them to Seattle.

On their way from the airport, Owen made few attempts to pick up a conversation about a future therapy with Cristina, but failed miserably. She didn't want to hear a word about a shrink and kept saying she was fine.

The rest of the journey back to the firehouse was spent in an uncomfortable silence. Once they reached their home, Cristina stood at the front door and took a deep breath – for the past few weeks she didn't consider this place her home anymore, so it wasn't that easy to step inside after everything they've been through.

Owen unlocked the door and held it wide open for her. She slowly took the stairs, one by one, taking her time and breathing heavily. Once the familiar interior became visible she broke off in tears and collapsed. Owen, being overly alert about her behavior all day grabbed her just in time and took her in his arms. He led her to the bedroom and they both laid there, her back pressed against his chest. He was stroking the length of her arm and gently kissing her ear every now and then, while she was crying loud and uncontrollable. Soon, her cries started to fade and her breath got even. Owen didn't move or say anything, he was waiting for her to speak up.

"I thought a lot about coming back here after the plane crashed." she almost whispered, her voice sounded tired. "I thought about what would have happened if I didn't leave for Idaho. If I stayed. If we never fought, if...I hadn't walk out of that on-call room."

Owen slowly removed her curls from her neck and placed a gentle kiss on it.

"You are safe now. You are home, with me." he whispered in her ear.

As they laid in bed, Owen felt her slowly relaxing in his arms and falling asleep. He gently moved off the bed, took one of the extra blankets from the closet, covered her and watched her sleep for a while. He had to go back to the hospital, but he would have given everything just to be able to lay down next to her and watch her sleep.

It was past 10 p.m. when Owen was finally able to get out of the hospital. He left a post-it note next to Cristina's night stand to inform her he had to go back to the hospital and tried calling her throughout the night, but she didn't pick the phone. He didn't like leaving her alone, especially now, so he did his best to reach the firehouse immediately after he finished work.

When he climbed the stairs he looked around – there was no sign of Cristina. The bedroom was dark, so he started flipping on the lights. When he turned over he saw that the bathroom light was on. He approached and knocked on the door.

"Cristina?"

In response she opened the door. His breath got caught up in his chest, when he saw her tiny body wrapped around with a white towel. Her hair was still a bit wet and he could smell his shampoo all over her skin.

"Hey." she greeted and moved past him reaching the bed and grabbing a bottle of lotion on the way.

"Hey..." his eyes followed her every move. "I tried calling you."

"Yeah, it took me forever to be able to take a shower, I probably didn't hear the phone."

Owen exhaled in relief. He was staring to get a bit concerned when she didn't answer any of his calls.

"How are you doing? Did you get some rest?" he asked her, while taking his coat off.

"I've been doing nothing else but resting and eating for the past couple of days." she replied, trying to open up the lotion bottle with one hand.

Owen approached her and took the lotion out of her hands. "Turn around." he said softly. When Cristina turned her back to him, he started applying the lotion on her skin. "How is your shoulder?"

"It still hurts, but I am popping up pain killers every once in a while when the pain becomes too much." she said, closing her eyes from the sensation of Owen's hands gently touching her bare skin.

He gently pulled down her towel and continued applying the lotion all over her body. He started remembering how incredibly sexy she looked when she was doing that herself every night after taking a shower. He quickly tried to shake off his thoughts, because they were having some serious effects on his physiology.

At some point, Cristina laid back her head on his chest and he felt her wet hair against his shirt. She lifted her right arm and slowly entangled her fingers in his hair, gently pulling it down to her shoulder. Owen took the hint and started placing soft kisses starting from her shoulder all the way to her neck and ear. She turned her head and their lips met in what started out as a soft and loving kiss and quickly became a passionate battle of their tongues. When she started releasing small moans of pleasure, Owen gently pulled back, rubbed his nose in her cheek and whispered softly in her ear.

"No..."

"Yes." she whispered back trying to catch his lips with hers. He put a gentle kiss on her lips and pulled back again.

"Cristina...no." he said again.

"What's wrong?" she asked him still whispering.

"We can't..." his breath was starting to get heavier.

"Why not?"

"Cristina..." he said again, trying to suppress the urge to grab her and make her scream his name. "First and foremost you are still physically injured and knowing how much I want you right now, I am sure I will end up hurting you. Second, we should first have a serious talk about our relationship, before we move on to sex. We've tried sex instead of talking and that didn't work out so well."

Cristina exhaled in frustration but didn't move from Owen's chest. After few moments of blissful intimacy accompanied by a relaxed silence Owen spoke up again.

"Is that okay with you?"

"Talking and then sex?" she answered his question with a question.

"Let's first see where the talking is going to get us, okay?"

She turned back, so that she was facing him.

"What are you so scared of Owen?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

She didn't answer, instead kept looking at his eyes.

"That night in the on-call room, I initially thought is was an act of reconciliation."

Cristina looked down and wrapped the towel around her – losing physical contact with Owen was making her chilly.

"What you said earlier about quitting only after you exhaust every other option?" Owen broke the silence again.

"What about it?" Cristina asked still avoiding eye contact with him,

"Why now? Why not before?"

She took a deep breath and met his eyes. "Owen, I almost died. And the only other thing I was able to think about while I was trying to figure out a way to survive was...you." her eyes started getting wet, but no tears fell down her cheeks.

Owen gently grabbed her face with one hand and caressed her cheek with his thumb, his soft gaze not leaving hers.

"I love you." Cristina spoke in a shaking voice.

"I love you too." Owen replied and smiled gently.

"Does it still hurt to love me?" she asked him, a single tear falling down her cheek.

"Sometimes." Owen said and caught her tear with his thumb. "But only true love brings both joy and pain." he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her nose.

_Psychologist say that sometimes trauma can be good. It makes people change their lives in the best possible way – dare not just to dream, but live their dreams. It all depends on how we handle the trauma and what we take from it._

**Thank you very much for your kind reviews! I hope you are enjoying the story and I would love to hear what you are thinking about this chapter and what are your expectations as readers.**

**P.S.: I can't believe I spelled "reconciliation" correctly on my first try, lol! **


	4. We need to talk about us

_In medicine there is a hierarchy for a reason. The higher you climb the hierarchy ladder the more privileges you have and therefor – more responsibilities. But the responsibility is even greater when you are the person running the whole show, because then you not only have to take care of your patients, but also navigate your staff, deal with the budget and bury yourself in paperwork. And everybody is expecting you to be able to find a solution for every problem that occurs._

It was past midnight and Owen was buried in paperwork. What started out as few days of extra shifts in the ER due to limited surgical staff prolonged to be much longer than he ever expected. He was missing heads of four departments already and soon he was going to be out of head of cardiothoracics as well, since Teddy had officially decided to accept her new job offer, but was holding out for a while until the crisis was over. His day was stretched between the operating room, interviews with potential fellows and attendings, paperwork and hospital board meetings. He was more tired than ever and incredibly stressed out all the time. On top of that, the only thing he was able to think about was his wife who was spending every other night alone, because he couldn't make it home. Within the surgical discipline, often the wives of surgeons were referred as widows, because their husbands were barely home. Being married to a fellow surgeon, didn't feel that way, but since she was on leave and spending time at home, it almost felt as if she was a widow. Owen was calling Cristina every time he had a spare minute and when he was able to drag himself back to the firehouse she was usually already asleep. It was killing him that his job was taking everything out of him, especially now, when the one place he was mostly needed was with her. He dropped the pen and rubbed his tired eyes. Suddenly his mobile rang. It was Cristina. He picked up immediately.

"Hey." he tried not to sound tired.

"Hey." she replied in a soft voice. "Are you coming home tonight?"

"I am sorry, I am buried in work. I am taking the weekend off though, so we will be spending more time together." she didn't say anything, so he continued, "You should be asleep by now." he said taking a glance at his watch – it was approaching one o'clock.

"I can't sleep." she replied. "I really wish you were here."

"I'll be there." Owen said after a short silence. "Are you in bed?"

"Yes." she said, her voice a bit confused.

"Okay. Just lay down and put the phone next close to you so you can hear me..."

Owen started talking to her in a soft voice, reassuring her that once he was home, he would hold her gently in his arms and would not leave until she had woken up the following morning. When Cristina became completely unresponsive, he assumed she was finally asleep, but he stood on the line until the connection eventually broke. The moment he put down his phone the door opened. It was Webber.

"Hey chief!" he greeted him in a cheerful voice. "Late night?"

"Yeah." Owen replied a bit frustrated. "Again."

"If there is anything I can help you with, feel free to ask. I don't remember having such a serious crisis in this hospital for a very long time. Even after the shooting most of our surgeons were cleared to perform their duties, but now...most of them are just gone." Webber sat down on a chair facing Owen. "How is ?"

"Not good." Owen said. "I just spent half an hour talking my wife to sleep. On the phone."

"What about her fellowship position?" Webber asked.

"Yesterday she told me she put all Columbia, Stanford and Mayo on hold. Considering her situation, they are willing to wait as long as they have to for her final answer."

"So Seattle is out of the mix?" Webber was incredibly careful in his pick of words, realizing he was probably hitting a painful spot.

"I don't know." Owen said. "It's...complicated. We were on the brink of divorce before the accident and now...we are suppose to work things through and I am here. All the the time."

Webber was silent for a while, observing Owen. It was obvious that the combination of stress, exhaustion and the frustration of being away from his wife was letting him share such an intimate detail, without even realizing it.

"Look, Hunt." Webber rose up from his chair, putting his hands on the table and tangling his fingers. "As someone who's been walking in your shoes for years, I want to give you an advice, so you won't make the same mistakes I did."

Owen looked up at him and comfortably adjusted his position on the chair.

"My marriage was almost over, not just once during my lifetime. When I was a resident I had a long standing affair with one of my co-workers, I was barely home then and things only got worse when I became chief. And now if I could turn back time, I would have tried to spent more time with my wife and less time worrying about the hospital. I was involved with Ellis Grey, Meredith's mother for years, but my wife somehow found the strength to forgive me. And I took it for granted. It wasn't until she got sick, that I realized I wanted more time with her, but it was too late. Meredith put her career on the line, trying to give me few more months with Adele and even that wasn't enough. Was it all worth it? Of course not."

Owen was shocked by the amount of details he was just learning about Richard's life, but the pieces of the puzzle and the reason why Meredith messed with the trial were starting to finally fall in place.

"It is obvious that you are in love with Yang. Maybe even more in love than I ever was with Adele. So if you think there is a chance for both of you to fix whatever is going on in your marriage, take it without hesitation. People will keep getting sick and the hospital needs will never end. Don't let your work destroy the single most important relationship in you life, Owen."

Owen spent the night in the hospital and then the entire next day he was constantly checking on his watch, waiting for the day to be finally over. It was Friday, which meant that he was going to be with Cristina the whole weekend. It was the first time in his entire career that he wanted to be out of the hospital so badly.

The day rolled painfully slow, but once he had completed all his duties, he literally ran out of the building and into his car, speeding up and hoping he won't get pulled over for breaking the speed limits.

Once he reached the firehouse, he found Cristina curled up on the couch. It has been three days since he last saw her and even more since he have seen her awake. Without even taking his coat off, he approached her, grabbed her face in his palms and gave her a passionate kiss. It wasn't until his tongue started exploring the inside of her mouth, that he tasted alcohol. He pulled back a bit and looked at her a bit concerned.

"You know you shouldn't drink while you are on painkiller." he told her gently.

In response she nodded to the table and Owen turned his hear around. There was a bottle of whiskey and one of tequila with two glasses. He raised his eyebrow and looked back at her.

"Okay...what exactly is going on here?"

"I want to introduce you to out new therapist." she glanced the two bottles again, escaped Owen's arms and started filling up the two glasses. "Good old ethanol, a fantastic organic compound with a hydroxyl functional group that has been responsible for...a lot. Some of it bad, some if good, depending on quantity an individual administers in his system."

"I am not following." Owen was sitting motionless on the couch.

"Well, alcohol sometimes makes people relax. We have both been stressed out, so it will be a good start of the evening. And then I am hoping after few drinks we can both untangle our tongues and talk about...us." she took a shot of tequila and then filled another one. "I mean, I really want to have sex."

"So your idea of therapy is getting wasted?" Owen asked her with a smile.

"Kind of." she said and passed a glass full of whiskey in Owen's direction. "My initial idea was to try to score MDMA."

"What?" Owen asked in a mix of shock and amusement.

"MDMA." she repeated, but there was no answer from Owen's end. "Methylenedioxy-methamphetamine." she continued. Still no reaction. "Ecstasy?" she said a bit frustrated now.

"Yeah, I know what MDMA stands for, I am just trying to figure our why you tried to score an illegal drug." Owen said getting a sip of whiskey.

"Well, studies suggest that MDMA has therapeutic qualities for couples who are having hard times. It elevates your serotonin levels and people start sharing everything they think and feel, without holding anything back."

Owen choked a bit on his drink. "Where did you read that? In the journal covering addiction medicine?"

Cristina laughed.

"It doesn't matter. Are you in?"

Owen nodded. He first changed into more comfortable clothes and then sat down on the couch, putting his feet on the table. Cristina put her own feet in his lap and took another shot. They first started talking about the madness within Seattle Grace and slowly drifted to the most important issue of the day – their marriage.

"So...from where do we start?" Owen asked.

Cristina stood in silent for a while and then asked.

"When did you decide to become a surgeon?"

Owen laid his head back digging into his memories from years ago.

"Well, it was during my third year of medical school. We were doing rotations. I initially wanted to be an ER doctor. I was quick on my feet and my mind worked very efficiently during stressful situations. But then we got to the surgical rotation and I just...I don't know. It was a strange feeling, telling me that I can do this. Why?"

"I realized I wanted to be a surgeon at the age of 14." she said, while playing with her small shot glass of tequila. "I realized that there was more I could've done to save my father's life that night..."

"Cristina..." Owen sighed in pain recalling the first time she ever spoke of the car accident she and her biological father were in when she was nine years old.

"I am dyslexic." she continued and finally looked at him. "Yes, you heard that right." she was responding to his surprised look. "I am dyslexic and I have a bachelor's degree from Smith, a PhD from Berkley and an M.D. from Stanford. Graduated not top of my class, but first."

He stood there in silence, waiting for her to continue as he felt she had more to say.

"This is how badly I wanted to become a surgeon. This is the only dream, the only wish I have ever had since I could remember. I compete – I compete all the time, so I can be the best. Not because I seek approval from my peers or compliments from my superiors or even awards. It's because I want to be prepared for anything that comes through the OR doors. You know why? Because there is always someone in the waiting room, for whom this person I am cutting open is very important. A father, a mother, a husband, a wife...a child." she took a silent pause and then continued. "I...don't know how to be anything else. A wife or...a mother. I just know how to be a surgeon. And the thing is Owen, I want to be a wife. Your wife. But I just...don't want to be a mother."

Owen looked at her, his eyes slowly becoming reddish.

"Cristina..." he started to talk, but his words got caught up in his throat.

"Look, I know it all started from this. Our fights, your cheating..." he saw her eyes starting to tear up a bit from the memory of him sleeping with another woman. " ...and it all goes back to...this." she put a hand on her stomach. "But I need you, I so desperately need you to get it, to...understand me, to...see me!"

Owen buried his hands in his hair and exhaled deeply. Then he turned his head towards Cristina and said.

"I can't." a tear fell down her cheek, when she heard him say it. "I am trying to understand you and I can't. I need more than just the statement that you don't _want_ to be a mother. I need to know _why_?"

"This would be so much easier if I was a man..." Cristina shook her head and reached out for the bottle of tequila.

"Oh, please just don't turn this into a feminist argument of men vs. women, okay?" Owen raised his voice, obviously annoyed by the way this conversation was heading to.

"But it is also an argument about men vs. women!" Cristina said in a higher voice as well. "In this society, if a guy doesn't want to have children, no matter the reason, he is given hi five and congratulated. He can stay childless until his 50's and everybody will think that he is so cool and sophisticated. But once a woman enters her 30's she is constantly reminded that the clock is ticking and she _should_ get pregnant as soon as possible. And if she doesn't want to have kids and be a mother, everybody thinks it is completely unnatural."

"When you actually give birth to a child and become a mother perspectives change." Owen shot back.

"Yeah, sure! Once I've spent nine months of morning sickness, swollen ankles, hemorrhoids, gained forty pounds and then give birth to a child I didn't want in a first place, that will ruin my body and leave me with no career to go back to, my perspective will be totally different." Cristina almost shouted back. "Hey, how about we leave this dilemma with the following compromise – I will donate my body to your parental desires and then you quit your job, friends, sleep and...life and stay home with the kid? I will go back to being a surgeon, safe lives on daily basis, earn money, talk to people my own age and have a life?"

"Don't mock me," Owen warned her, while refilling his glass. "So,,,let me get this straight, you don't want to have children, because you will gain few pounds, have stretch marks and this will effect your precious surgical career, right? Because if these are the reasons, I don't know why I am married to you in a first place."

They both froze after that statement. Owen couldn't believe what have just escaped his mouth.

"Screw you!" Cristina said and got up heading for the bathroom and slamming the door after her. Owen heard the lock and headed in the same direction.

"Cristina..." he said in a more relaxed voice. "Please get out, you can't just leave in the middle of this." he tried to open the door. It was locked.

First he tried talking her into coming out from the bathroom in the most calm voice he was capable of at the moment. When that didn't work he raised his voice and at the end he was angrily banging on the door and asking her to come out. At some point he heard the water running.

After almost half an hour of trying he gave up. Went to the kitchen, grabbed a glass full of water and sat next to the bathroom door. He stayed there in silence, trying to collect his thoughts for almost an hour. He could hear the running water, but no sound from Cristina. After some more time he noticed that there was water coming out of the bathroom floor into the bedroom. He got up immediately.

"Cristina?" he called her out again, this time his voice was filled with concern. "Please, talk to me. Cristina? Open the door. There is water coming out of the bathroom, you are going to flood the entire apartment. Cristina!" he banged on the door once more, before eventually breaking in.

She was sitting on the toilet seat. The bathtub was full of water that was running down the floor. Cristina was staring motionless at the running water, her eyes all red from crying and her bear feet soaked from the flood she created in the bathroom.

Owen reached out and turned the water off, then he knelt down next to her and gently lifted up her chin.

"Cristina, what is this?" he asked her.

"I couldn't listen to you screaming at me, so I turned on the water." she said with no emotion left in her voice.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to...any of this. I am so sorry." he said and carefully lifted her up in his arms carrying her back to the living room. He put her on the couch and left for a second, coming back with a fresh towel. "How long have your feet been in that cold water?" he asked her, while gently drying her feet.

"I don't know." she replied with a lost gaze.

After few more minutes of silence between the two, Cristina spoke up in a very low and completely ripped out of emotion voice.

"Having a child is...scary. Terrifying. People brag about it, as if it the best thing that could happen in your life. There is nothing beautiful about birth, seeing a tiny human body getting out in screams and covered in blood, while a woman is pushing and tearing her insides apart. It is painful and bloody. And this is just the easy part. Then you are the single individual responsible for this child – how it will turn out, what kind of person will to grow up to be. And if something goes wrong along the way, you are the one to blame. And then you spent the rest of your life trying to figure out what you did wrong."

Owen was sitting with her feet in his lap and watching her deliver everything she had to say. He never even considered that she thought about this in such depth.

"I don't have a father and my mother..." she stopped for a while. "...I had everything else. The Beverly Hills dream house, the private school, the nannies, but I didn't have a family. And there were some kids around me that had a family – a loving mother, a gentle and understanding father, wonderful parents that did everything by the book. And some of those kids...they...destroyed everything, turned their parents into ghosts that were neither dead nor alive." she stopped for a while and took a deep breath. "When I got pregnant, I didn't feel...happy. I was suppose to feel excited that your child was growing inside of me, right?"

Owen's eyes were starting to tear up and he just nodded in response, being unable to say a word.

"But instead I was terrified and I wanted all this to be a bad dream. Then one day Meredith dragged me to the neonatal floor around all this newborns and tried to talk me into keeping the baby." Owen looked at her a bit shocked, not expecting that Meredith actually tried to change Cristina's mind about the abortion. "And I realized how much I wish I wanted a child. It was painful, because I wanted to want a kid, but at the same time I didn't and I knew I was probably going to loose you, but I couldn't push myself to do something so cruel to an innocent life. I don't want to have children, Owen. I am sorry, I really wish I did, because then everything would have been so much easier. But I would rather deal with the pain of loosing you, than with the one of resenting my own child."

"Cristina..." Owen said with a voice filled with pain.

"Owen, I want to be your wife." Cristina interrupted him. "But you have to decide whether or not I am worth it. And enough. I don't want to deprive you from being a father and if this is what you really want..."

"No." Owen stopped her. "Don't say it. Don't say _leave me, _because even if I wanted to, I can't."

"Why?" Cristina asked him.

"Because I love you." he turned his head and met her with a piercing blue gaze.

"Is love enough?" Cristina asked again.

"I have been through a war. Actual, brutal and merciless war. I have had soldiers, women...children die in my arms. And I thought I have felt all the horrors and all the pain. That was until you left from that on-call room." he met her eyes, now dry from tears, but still filled with sorrow. "And I have never felt so horrified and hurt in my entire life. The pain of loosing you was the hardest one I ever experienced. I don't want to loose you Cristina. Never again."

"Okay." she said, her eyes starting to get heavier and heavier with each passing second. All the alcohol and tears have taken out every bit of energy she had left.

"Okay." he said back, leaned forward and kissed her foot. "The sun is starting to rise up..." he noticed looking at the morning light that was slowly entering the firehouse.

"Yeah." Cristina turned her head to one of the windows to confirm.

Owen slowly got up and raised a hand towards Cristina. "Come on, let's go to bed."

She looked up at him and took it, so he could help her stand on her feet. Then they walked to the bedroom in complete silence and once they were under the sheets they fell asleep immediately, with their bodies pressed next to one another.

**Thanks for the reviews! I am glad you are liking the story. I am trying to write more chapters now, before my exam session starts, because then I will be gone for a certain amount of time.**

**P.S.: I know that most people are willing to see Cristina settling for a child, but I want to stay true to her character and explore the possibilities. ;-) **


	5. The good and the bad dreams

**Warning: The rating has been changed to M for mature content, so beware.**

* * *

_Most people consider dreams as an interesting experience, if of course remembered, that occur while we sleep. But any neuroscientist will tell you there is more to dreaming than we actually think. When we dream, our central nervous system is periodically going into an active state, or what we call REM sleep. The truth is that our brains work as intensively at night as they do during the day. Our dreams can be reflection our experience, fear, love or desire. This is why certain physiological changes occur during sleep. Like elevated heart rate, increasing in body temperature and even sexual arousal. _

Owen woke up by hearing someone call his name. For the first few seconds he was quite confused. It was a late afternoon and the events of last night were still fresh. He felt Cristina's body pressed against his and it wasn't until she moaned his name in her sleep that he realized she was dreaming. He didn't dare to move, because he didn't want to wake her, but his arms were wrapped around her tiny body, so he was left with no choice but to watch her sleep. She moaned his name again and Owen smiled upon hearing it, called ever so gently. A warm feeling started building up in his body, as he realized how well he knew his wife's physiology. He knew she was having a really good dream about him and by placing few gentle kisses on her neck, he was planning to make it real. By doing this, she slowly started to wake up.

"Hey." she said turning her head around, meeting his warm eyes.

"Hey there." Owen greeted her and put a light kiss on her lips.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Does it matter? It's Saturday." he replied and kissed her on the cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." she said. "Did that really happen?" she asked confused, obviously referring to the intense conversation they had few hours ago. "Did we really have that talk last night or was I just dreaming?"

"Yes. We did." Owen replied, his eyes not leaving hers.

"And you are not going to leave me?" she asked again, obviously trying to recall in detail the events of last night.

Owen smiled a bit. "No."

She closed her eyes in relief and released a small moan.

"Cristina?"

"Yes?"

"How's your shoulder?" he asked her softly.

"Better." she replied.

"Tell me if I hurt you, okay?" with that said he removed the covers and stood up on his knees, so he was facing her at the same time. His eyes didn't leave hers as he slowly started peeling off her pants.

"What are you..." she started, but he put a finger on her lips.

"Shhh." he whispered and resumed his work.

Once he gently removed her pants he caressed her face for a while, before moving on to her t-shirt. He knew that trying to take it off would probably result in a discomfort in her shoulder and will ruin the moment, so he decided to roughly tear it off and dispose of the last remaining piece of clothing that was getting in his way. When he destroyed the fabric, Cristina gasped in surprise. His eyes were locked on hers as he continued by slowly and carefully removing her bra. Then he leaned forward and kissed her lips, at the same time running one of his hands down her body until he reached between her thighs and lightly felt her arousal.

_I knew it_ he thought to himself.

He was absolutely sure that she was having a particularly intense dream about him, because he could feel her body responding in her sleep, the same way she responded when he touched her.

After a passionate kiss he pulled back from her lips and moved to her ear, neck and slowly made his way down to her breasts paying equal attention to each one of them. Her body started to tremble and she arched her back towards him. Her moans were getting louder and more frequent with each passing second.

Owen started circling around her belly button with gentle kisses, before inserting his tongue and lazily sucking on it for a while. Cristina's muscles were starting to tense up with every single touch and when he slowly removed her panties and made his way up by placing gentle kisses on the entire length of one of her legs, she started trembling uncontrollably. Her thighs were shaking with desire, which made Owen smile – he loved it when she started loosing control over her own body and letting him take over. He grabbed her thighs more firmly, so he can manage the trembling, then leaned forward and breathed it her scent. Before he buried himself between her legs, he rose up a bit and looked straight into her eyes. His gaze was burning with desire, so was hers.

"Oh!" Cristina moaned, when she felt Owen's tongue penetrate her. She started breathing more and more heavily and when he used two of his fingers to stimulate her even more, she grabbed the sheets and arched her entire body up. Owen was slowly increasing the pace, which soon resulted in Cristina climaxing.

She was still coming down from her orgasm, when she met Owen's eyes. He softly traced her bottom lip with his index finger and Cristina took it between her teeth, while trying to adjust back to her normal breathing.

"I love you." she said as her body started to relax again.

Owen smiled and put a trail of kisses from her shoulder all the way up to her ear.

"Say it again." he whispered.

"I love you..." she repeated.

"Again..."

She was repeating the three words again and again, until she felt him slide inside her with one smooth thrust. Their bodies entangled into a passionate, yet gentle lovemaking, moving in completely synchronized rhythm. Cristina bit Owen's shoulder when she felt another orgasm building up and soon after that they climaxed together.

Owen stayed on top of Cristina for some time, while coming back to earth. She turned her head a bit and kissed him on the side of his forehead, tasting the sweat that was running down. He rolled off her and laid on his back, trying to catch his breath.

"So, did I live up to your dream?" Owen asked after some time spent in comfortable silence.

"How did you know?" Cristina asked him back, turning her head to him and meeting his eyes.

Owen chuckled and replied with a smile. "I just knew."

They spent couple of more hours just cuddling in bed, before deciding to take a shower together. They haven't done that in a long time and Owen took the chance to admire his wife's naked body under the running water and wash her hair. The only thing that was ruining this sensual moment between them was the sounds coming out of their empty stomachs that was reminding them they were both very hungry.

Owen left the shower first and headed back to the bedroom, before ordering in some food. He was putting the Chinese food off the boxes into the plates when he heard Cristina call him from the bathroom.

"Owen!" she shouted.

He immediately jumped and ran to the bathroom.

"What's wrong?" he asked concerned once he opened the door.

"We are out of toothpaste." Cristina said holding her toothbrush in her hands.

"For the love of God, Cristina!" he put a hand onto his chest and exhaled. "You scared me!"

"Why?" she asked a bit confused.

"I thought you hurt yourself or something. Don't shout this loud over a toothpaste." he rolled his eyes and reached into one of the drawers beneath the sink and handed her a brand new toothpaste.

"Oh, neat!" she said grabbing the toothpaste and starting to apply it onto the brush.

Owen shook his head and left the the bathroom.

He had already started to eat, when Cristina came to the dining area, wearing short pants and a long sleeved blouse.

"If you were a woman, you would've made a perfect wife." she said, grabbing her chopsticks and putting an entire spring roll in her mouth.

"And you would've made a great husband." Owen replied to her comment.

Cristina laughed at his reply and continued eating.

"Okay, so I didn't know where the extra toothpaste is, big deal." she said opening up a can of soda.

"Where do we keep the vacuum cleaner?" Owen asked her. No response. "Which is the most suitable program for laundering delicate fabric?" no response. "Name three brands of fabric softener?"

Owen started laughing when she couldn't answer any of these practical questions. He continued to tease her about her absolute lack of knowledge when it comes to housework all throughout dinner.

"I am a surgical resident, Owen, I don't have time for these stuff." she tried to defend herself at the end and pushed her empty place aside, grabbing her soda and lifting her feet on the chair.

"Yeah, as oppose to being chief of surgery and having all the time in the world." Owen responded.

"Okay." she put her soda down. "We have to start working out on these stuff. Now tell me all your pet peeves."

"Oh, you don't want to go there." Owen said.

"Come on, I have few of my own." Cristina encouraged him. "Go."

"Okay. Well first off all you are absolutely clueless in every aspect of housework, I believe we established that already. You always think you are right, even when you are wrong and when you finally realize you are wrong you twist the set of circumstances trying to appear right. You have no respect for rules, protocol or authority You are way too confident and I don't mean that in a good way. And that crap you and Meredith are dancing to is making me bleed from my ears. Besides, you are killing my buzz during baseball finals. There is no reason to be jealous from the TV."

Owen looked at her with a smile and waited for her response.

"You might need to write all this down." Cristina said, trying to keep her face serious.

"If you want to I can give you five pages worth of it." Owen said laughing. "So, your pet peeves?"

"You are way too bossy." Cristina said. "And...you leave the toilet seat up sometimes. "

"That's it?" Owen asked with a smile.

"Well, I will have to carefully think about that and give you a list myself. I am still affected by the mind blowing sex." Cristina said trying to cover up the fact that her husband didn't really have that many flaws. "So hand me out the list and I will improve myself."

"You think you can change?" Owen asked her raising an eyebrow.

"Of course I can. If I can be a cardio goddess, I sure as hell can be an amazing wife." she replied.

Owen laughed gently.

"Okay." he said in disbelief.

"You don't think I can change?" Cristina confronted him.

"I don't think you can change." he replied back. One thing he knew about his wife is that she needed to be pushed every once in a while.

"You really don't think I can change?" Cristina asked again.

"I bet you a thousand bucks you cannot change."

"Ten thousand that I can!" she fired back.

Owen whistled at the impressive number.

"That's quite a raise." he said with a smile.

"I am bred in Beverly Hills. I come with a trust fund."

"Okay then, the bet is on." Owen offered his hand and Cristina took it.

"It's on." she smiled and stood up, planning to lay down on the couch and spent the rest of the evening scrolling through medical journals. Halfway through the living room, she froze. She could hear Owen's quiet laughter. She turned around and reached for his plate.

"I will do the dishes." she said and started carrying the plates back to the kitchen.

"Okay." Owen said obviously quite amused.

He sat down on the couch and waited for her. She was having some trouble, since she never used to dishwasher ever since they moved in and had hard time figuring out which program was the most suitable. At the end, she just picked the one that had the best illustration and started looking around for the manual. After ten minutes of no luck she heard Owen say.

"Bottom left drawer."

She shot a look at him and leaned down for the drawer. All the manuals were carefully arranged inside. She grabbed them all and made her way to the couch, sitting next to Owen, who immediately wrapped a hand around her.

It was the first weekend they spent completely focused on each other. They went shopping together, had a long walk in the park, went for lunch and had numerous conversations about their relationship.

When Owen cuddled next to Cristina on Sunday evening, he felt everything was falling in place. They were finally communicating verbally, emotionally and physically. Serious and sometimes painful conversations about their situation were mixed with laughter and pleasant teasing. It gave him the comfort that they will find a way to work things through and he could feel Cristina being much more comfortable and relaxed around him.

_Everything is falling in place_, Owen thought when he wrapped his hand around Cristina and closed his eyes.

Few hours later Owen woke up in cold sweat. He was breathing heavily and his heart rate was so severely elevated that he could feel his heart almost explode inside his chest. He looked at the alarm clock – it was 3 a.m. and Cristina was still sleeping peacefully next to him. He got out of the bed, trying to be as calm as possible and went for the bathroom, quietly closing the door behind him. Owen reached for the sink, turned on the water and splashed some cold water on his face. Then rose up and looked himself into the mirror.

"_No, no, no, no, this cannot be happening. Not now._" he thought to himself as he sat down on the toilet seat and buried his fingers in his hair.

_Sleep. A naturally reoccurring state of reduced consciousness and suspended sensory activity. It is when we sleep that dreams occur and those dreams can be pleasant and delightful and forgotten upon waking up, but when nightmares strike, our bodies respond immediately and our mind is warning us of an upcoming storm._

* * *

**Thank you for the great reviews! I am glad there are more people who are on the same page when it comes to Cristina's character and the whole baby drama.**

**But don't freak out for now, I am not going to over dramatize anything . I think it is only natural that after all the stress that Owen has been through there will be some reflection on his psychological state. **


	6. Change

_Stress. In biology, most biochemical processes strive to maintain equilibrium. The enormous variety of external factors that disrupt the homeostasis of the organism is how science refers to stress. Very often, patients who experience physical or psychological discomfort due to stress are strongly advised to make certain changes in their lives. The more stress inflicts on the individual the greater the changes in his life ought to be._

"So?" Dr. Wyatt was sitting comfortably in her chair with Owen's file in her lap and a pen. "You've been here for more than twenty minutes and you haven't said a single word."

"I think my PTSD is flaring up again." Owen said slowly and raised his head so that he could meet the comforting gaze of .

"Okay." she replied. "A PTSD doesn't just flare up that easy. Do you know how long has this been going on?"

"Couple of weeks, I guess." Owen said. "It started out with few nightmares. My wife was in a place crash recently and the thought of her dying led to a series of nightmares."

"Were these nightmares about her?"

"Yes." Owen said. "At the beginning they were mostly about Cristina. But the other night I woke up with a flashback from the war."

"How severe?" she asked, while taking some notes.

"Severe enough. I woke up with elevated blood pressure and in cold sweat. I couldn't fall asleep for the rest of the night."

"You couldn't or you chose not to?" Wyatt shot another question at him.

"Look, my wife is recovering from a major trauma right now, I couldn't just fall asleep next to her after that. What if I..." Owen stopped in the middle of the sentence. "What I had fallen back asleep and had a night terror? The last thing she needs right now is to feel insecure in her own sleep."

"You do realize that this is an incredibly complicated situation, Owen. You are trying to hide a serious condition from you wife. The only person whom you might endanger and, if I may add, the one person that was basically responsible for your improvement in a first place. If it weren't for Cristina you would have never sat down on that couch." Dr. Wyatt said.

After few minutes of silence she continued.

"Okay, it has been a long time since I've seen you, so how about you tell me what has been going on in your life since we last saw each other." she suggested and laid back on her chair awaiting his response.

Owen took a deep breath and slowly started telling her about everything – the wedding, the abortion, becoming chief of surgery, the cheating, the plane crash and the current state of affairs between him at Cristina for the moment. Unlike his wife, he never held back anything during his sessions and he knew how important details are for therapists.

"Listening to all this, I am surprised you lasted as long as you did." commented.

"And now that I am finally falling apart, how do you suggest we proceed?" Owen asked her in a frustrated voice. The only thing he wanted is to get back on track for his and Cristina's sake.

"Tell me, what do you think is triggering you?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"Everything!" he replied. "The fact that the entire surgical wing is falling apart and everybody is looking at me, waiting for an easy fix. Half of my surgeons are either on leave and some of them will probably never going back, the board is whispering behind my back and I had a particularly unpleasant meeting with the dean of medicine. And the only place I want to be and I need to be is with my wife."

"So Cristina is not triggering you?"

"No." Owen replied.

"Then I believe you just answered your earlier question, Owen." Dr. Wyatt smiled at him.

"About what?" Owen asked a bit confused.

"About how to proceed from now on. You know what you need."

"If I knew I wouldn't be here." Owen said, feeling frustration taking over him.

"Change." she replied in a calm and soft voice.

* * *

Cristina was laying on the couch at Meredith's waiting for her best friend to show up. She and Derek arrived from Idaho few hours ago and Cristina was on her way immediately after she heard that they landed.

Meredith came out of the kitchen with two cups of coffee and handed one to Cristina.

"How was the flight?" Cristina asked.

"Frankly, if it wasn't for Zola being overly curious about flying, I would've freaked out." Meredith said, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Well, if it is any consolation I had a panic attack on the way back to Seattle. If it wasn't for Owen to hold me down on my seat, I would've totally freaked out." Cristina replied and put her feet on the table.

"So, you and Owen..." Meredith started, but was immediately cut off by Cristina.

"How's Derek?"

"Better. Doctors say there is no reason he shouldn't make a full recovery. It will take a while though, he will probably won't be able to operate for quite some time." Meredith said. "So,,,"

"And how are you?" Cristina interrupted her again.

Meredith was silent for a while, as if she was looking for the right word.

"Glad." she said finally.

"Glad?" Cristina asked.

"Yes. Glad that I am alive. Glad that my husband is alive and glad that at the end we were able to come back to our daughter. So, yes. I feel...glad."

"Okay." Cristina said, observing her very carefully. "So, I have a question."

"Go ahead." Meredith encouraged her.

"It's not the best timing I suppose..." Cristina started prolonging.

"Just ask, Cristina!" Meredith said.

"Okay, so...um...how do you sort the laundry? I mean in terms of color. I know that you shouldn't mix white colored clothes with others, but I am clueless about the rest. I am pretty sure I destroyed Owen's Harvard t-shirt, I guess I mixed it with some colorful clothes. I just hope he doesn't notice that his favorite t-shirt is now a bit more reddish."

Meredith was staring at Cristina in utter shock.

"What?" eventually she found her voice.

"What what?" Cristina asked her.

"What are you talking about?" Meredith raised her voice in a mix of shock and confusion.

"Meredith I am asking you a simple question concerning laundry." Cristina clarified. "I am that close to loosing ten thousand dollars over a bet with Owen." she said and nearly touched her index finger with her thumb.

"Ten thousand dollars, a bet...what the hell did I miss?" Meredith was getting more and more confused with each passing word that was coming out of Cristina's mouth.

"Me and Owen had a bet if I can get better in housework. Like shopping, doing laundry and stuff like that."

"You've never done any of those things ever since you got married?" Meredith asked surprised.

"No." Cristina replied back. "Owen has been responsible for every bit of household work so far."

"Wow, um okay." Meredith. "Before we move to your laundry drama, I have to ask – what the hell is going on between you two? Did you talk about..."

"...everything." Cristina finished the sentence. "Yes, as a matter of fact we did. Of course, we need to do more talking, but you know...baby steps. We covered the cheating before, now we were mainly focused on the children topic and the fact that I am not going to have one. Ever."

"And _this_ time he is okay with it?" Meredith asked in disbelief.

"_This_ time we actually talked about it and reached the conclusion that we want to be together." Cristina said.

"So, he is okay with not having kids?" Meredith asked again, trying to understand what exactly has been going on.

Cristina was silent for a long moment. "Look, it is still complicated, we need to talk more on the subject, but not now. As I said – baby steps."

"Are you sure you really, really don't want to have kids?" Meredith decided to test the waters one last time.

"Oh, for the love of god, Mer, please! I sometimes feel like just because I am a woman, I have been born with a debt to this society and the only way to repay it is by expelling a kid out of my vagina! Just...change the subject, okay!"

Meredith backed off immediately.

"Okay. Me and Derek are going to Boston."

"What?" Cristina asked in surprise.

"Yes. We talked about it a lot, while in Idaho. His job offer is once in a lifetime opportunity, not to mention that I will be doing my fellowship in one of the best hospitals in the country, and as cheesy as it sounds, Massachusetts has great schools and universities...you know, when Zola grows up."

"Wow!" Cristina said. "You guys are really thinking far ahead. Then again, if Zola goes to Harvard Med you two can keep an eye on her even throughout grad school."

"I am thinking ahead? You just enrolled my daughter in medical school!" Meredith said through few laughs.

"Well...she will have a kick ass neurosurgeon for a dad and a general surgery royalty for a mom, what different career path is there?" Cristina said.

They spent few minutes laughing over Cristina's comment.

"What about you? Are you guys staying in Seattle?" Meredith asked.

"I don't know. We haven't talked about this yet. I haven't even stepped inside the hospital since I came back." Cristina said.

"Not once?" Meredith asked surprised.

"No. Owen called me like ten times today to tell me I should go for a check-up about my shoulder."

"Wow." Meredith said. "Look at us. Just a year ago we were ready to scratch each others eyes over surgeries and now we are voluntarily choosing to be sitting on my couch instead."

"Yeah." Cristina said and smiled. "We almost died."

"And grew up." Meredith added.

"And got married." Cristina continued.

"And I became a mother." Meredith concluded with a smile.

"We have changed." Cristina said, looking straight in Meredith's eyes.

"It is only natural to change, Cristina." Meredith said and they both smiled to each other.

* * *

When Owen came back just before midnight, he found Cristina waiting on the couch and flipping through the channels. He saw her face lit up, when she saw him approaching the couch, so he forced himself to smile and hide his exhaustion and fear.

"Hey." he greeted her with a gentle kiss and sat next to her on the couch.

"Are you hungry?" she asked him.

"No, I am fine." he replied and kicked off his shoes.

"How was your day?" she asked him.

"I don't want to talk about my day," he said roughly, without realizing how his tone affected her.

"Are you alright?" she asked with a bit of concern in her voice.

"Yeah." he said, avoiding her gaze. "I am going to take a shower." he announced, quickly placed another kiss on her lips and left for the bathroom.

Cristina was a little suspicious about his behavior, but she shook her head and tried to convince herself that it was the exhaustion talking and he was fine. When she heard him getting out of the bathroom after a while she stood up and went to the bedroom. He was digging into the drawer for some clothes and obviously didn't notice her presence. She approached him from behind and wrapped her arms around his waist, lifting herself on her toes so she would be tall enough to reach his ear. Then she gently kissed him and whispered.

"If you are not hungry and you don't want to talk, there is something else we can do." with that said she placed another gentle kiss on his back.

Owen turned his head and carefully tried to let go of her grip. "Cristina, I am not in a mood."

"Not yet." she replied in a seductive voice and reached beneath the towel with the idea to slowly but surely fix his mood.

"Cristina, please, stop." Owen asked again, but she didn't listen. He grabbed her hand that was teasing him beneath the towel and turned over. "I said I am not in a mood!" he raised his voice and pushed her hands away.

Cristina couldn't move. This sudden change in his mood was puzzling her. She stood there with her mouth half open and watched him leave for the bathroom again. Once the door was violently shut, she stepped back and went to the kitchen. She sat down on the dining table and without even blinking her eyes, she buried her hands in her face, trying to figure out what just happened. Cristina was so buried in her thoughts that she didn't even hear Owen approach her and when he gently touched her shoulder, she jumped off her chair and gasped in a mix of surprise and fear.

"Did I scare you?" Owen asked her, quickly backing off. The only thing that terrified him more than what was happening to him was the idea that Cristina would be afraid of him.

She didn't respond at first, but observing the raising concern in his eyes made her shake off her own fears and speak up.

"What...what is going on Owen?" she asked him in a very low voice.

He sat across the table and reached his hand. She didn't take it.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen." he said with a voice full of regret.

"Owen, just talk to me." Cristina said, realizing she was missing out on something.

"I..." he took a deep breath, before continuing. "I had a session with today."

Cristina stood there motionless, without saying a word.

"I had a flashback the other night. From the war." Owen said and avoided Cristina's worried eyes, trying to hide the tears that were quickly starting to fill up his eyes.

"The PTSD?" she asked.

"Yes." he replied, still avoiding eye contact. "I don't want to scare you. You don't deserve this sense of insecurity, especially now. I...I am not fine Cristina. I really wish I was, but I am not."

It wasn't until he felt her small hand land into his palm that he looked up. Cristina's face was already covered in tears.

"I am not fine as well." she spoke up. "Today I went to the hospital, I was suppose to have a check-up. I...I couldn't walk into the hospital. I just stood there and I couldn't get in."

"Cristina..." Owen gently squeezed her hand, his eyes not leaving hers. "We can go to Wyatt..."

"NO!" she shouted out. "I don't want therapy!"

"What do you want then?" Owen asked her.

"To leave." she said.

He felt a burning pain in his chest. This was the one word he never wanted to hear escape her lips.

"I want to leave Seattle. With you." she said, whipping off her tears with her free hand. "I can't go back to Seattle Grace. I need a new start. We need a new start. Let's start fresh, Owen. Somewhere else. Let's just escape this place, these memories. Let's...change."

It was only after he heard it from Cristina, that Owen realized what had in mind when she said he needed change. They both needed change. His work was affecting not just his personal life, but also his psychological health and the memories from past traumatic events were just lurking around every corner of the hospital.

"I know this is asking too much. I realize how selfish this is – you love Seattle, you are the chief of surgery and..." she couldn't finish her sentence, because Owen had reached over the table in less than a second and was kissing her passionately.

He only gave her seconds to breathe, before repeating the kiss again and before she was able to recover from the mix of shock and pleasure she just felt, he had lifted her up in his arms and was carrying her to the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" she asked him confused.

"Yes. Let's change." he said and laid her on the bed.

He kissed away every bit of confusion and slowly started undressing her. "I want you." he whispered in her ear.

"You have me." she whispered back.

_Change is a constant in every science from mathematics to biology. It is change that reminds that the future comes one day at a time. _


	7. Farewell

**I am terribly sorry for the long delay, but I was very busy – finals, then traveling the entire summer, work etc. I couldn't keep up with the story, but I am back on track now. This is the new chapter, I really hope you will like it – please read & review!**

_Being a surgeon means being a student all your life – it almost feels like you never really leave high school. Teaching hospitals are a lot like schools, but they are also a lot like home. Being a surgical resident, means residing within the hospital walls for the next five years of your life – after time you suddenly realize that everything you needed or even wanted is there. Your fellow residents become your friends, your attendings become your father or mother figures, and quite often a fellow surgeon becomes your spouse. Leaving the hospital where you've grown from the scared and unsecured intern to the confident and skillful surgeon is never easy. On nobody's part._

Dr. Webber was observing the small group of people heading for the exit. He has seen them leave the hospital every day – sometimes late at night, sometimes early in the morning or in the middle of the day. But tonight it was different. They were leaving Seattle Grace Mercy West forever. Being a surgeon in a teaching hospital is a lot like being a parent – young and eager doctors, fresh out of medical school come every year. Although they are considered adults, they are nothing more than babies with medical degrees. And here they start their first grade – they slowly grow, stumble along the way, fall, learn how to pick themselves up, until one day they are old and experienced enough to leave. And you were there – every step of the way. During their first shifts in the ER, their first steps in the operating rooms, their first solo surgeries. You watch them evolve in their field, but you also watch them grow – not as doctors, but as human beings. They fall in love, get married, have children of their own. They change. And when they finally reach that finish line, you can't help it but feel proud – proud that you helped shaping them into the people they are today.

"We did good, chief." Bailey's voice interrupted his internal monologue. She joined him with a half-smile – everybody expect for Jackson and April were leaving Seattle.

"Yes. We did good." Webber agreed and they both observed as Christina, Meredith and Alex cheerfully left the hospital.

"These are on the house." said Joe as he loaded dozen tequila's on the small table.

"So leaving this crappy state has some surprising benefits." Cristina said before she took a shot of tequila.

"What's the verdict?" Meredith asked looking first at Cristina and then at Alex.

"Columbia." Cristina said flipping her small glass backwards.

"Hopkins." Alex replied.

"Mass General." Meredith joined in. They stood there for a while, in silence. As if absorbing the realization that their paths were finally parting. Then Cristina raised a second tequila shot.

"To George." she said and a single tear appeared in her eye.

"To Izzie." Alex joined in raising his own glass.

Cristina and Alex stood with their glasses in the air waiting for Meredith to join in. She was staring down at her hands. She finally raised a glass up in the air, eyes full of tears, as if this gesture took everything out of her.

"To Lexie." she finally said. "And to change." she added a few seconds later.

"To moving on." Alex said.

"To getting the hell out of here!" Cristina joined in the final toast. They emptied their glasses and after the liquor had finally kicked in, they started laughing uncontrollably.

"We did good." Meredith said.

"Hell yeah we did good! In a million years, I wouldn't have thought that this empty head will ever set a foot in a first world hospital, let alone a top rated one!" Cristina said between chuckles as she playfully hit Karev at the back of his head. "I am proud of you!" she told him and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Yeah, yeah." Alex said indifferently. "Meanwhile, you could've done better." he teased.

"Hey, the university hospital of Columbia and Cornell has amazing cardio program!" she argued. "Besides, it is in New York, as oppose to having to live in this hell hole called Baltimore. I can't even locate Maryland on the map, even the people who live there can't."

"So why Columbia anyway?" Meredith asked curiously.

"Owen got a great position there. He is going to be the new head of the trauma department and considering this is New York City, being the head of trauma is like being the chief of surgery in terms of work and responsibilities." Cristina grabbed few peanuts from the small bowl and slowly started peeling them. "And why Mass Gen?"

"Did you really just asked me that question?" Meredith said. "Besides, Derek has negotiated a deal with Harvard. He will be teaching until his full recovery."

"Unlike you two, I actually based my decision on my own desires." he emphasized. "It's a bitch being married."

"Oh, no worries Karev. You will meet some intern over there at Hopkins, knock her up and eventually be forced to spent the rest of your life with her and four kids, who will be just as annoying as you are. Then you will know how we felt for five very, very, very long years."

Alex pulled himself to laugh at her mean jokes, but eventually excused himself and left for the bathroom, leaving Meredith and Cristina alone.

"Talking about kids..." Meredith started. "How is everything between you and Owen."

"What do you mean?" Cristina shot back immediately.

"Well, you know..." Meredith stammered a bit, hoping that her friend will get the point, without her having to go into any unpleasant details.

"He told me he chooses me, Mer. What else is there?" Cristina asked, with a tone of annoyance in her voice.

"So you haven't talked about it since?" Meredith continued.

"No." Cristina said.

"I am so glad I was born with a penis, there is a whole slew of women waiting for the chick bathroom." Alex joined in and grabbed a small red straw to play with. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing." Cristina said shooting a warning look at Meredith.

Alex looked at Meredith, then at Cristina. After several moments spent in silence he broke the ice.

"Uncomfortable silence it is." he nodded and emptied another shot of tequila.

Meredith took a deep breath and turned her gaze towards Alex.

"Actually we were just discussing Cristina's marriage and how after she had an abortion her husband was against, they got into a serious fight that almost ended their marriage. Then he cheated on her, that really almost ended their marriage and now that we survived the plane crash, they are back together. She claims they are happy and everything is fine, because he told her that he chooses her over being a father. So Alex, are you buying this?"

"Mer!" Cristina shouted out.

"Hunt cheated on you?!" Alex looked shocked at his friend.

"What the hell Meredith?!" Cristina continued, feeling the anger building in.

"Hunt...cheated...on...you?!" Alex said slowly and pointed Cristina with his red straw.

"Oh, shut up Alex!" she hissed angrily. "What the hell is your problem, Meredith?"

"My problem is that I don't trust him." she said. "He says that he is fine with it now, but will he? Will he be fine with it in a year? Or five? This is a serious issue to deal with Cristina. One-time discussions are not acceptable."

"Okay, okay. Slow the fuck down, both of you." Alex interrupted. "So let me get this straight. Hunt cheated on you, then the plane crash happened and you having the habit to make the most important decisions in your life, during your most severe traumatic experiences, decided to stay together."

"First of all Karev, I don't make the most important decisions in my life during crisis..."

"Bullshit!" he cut her off. "You got married right after a guy had a gun pointed at your head. You are choosing Columbia over Mayo – which by the way has so much more to offer you in terms of learning and career development, because your husband got a fancy job there. You decide to stay with him, even after he cheated on you, because you haven't fully recovered from the fact you almost freaking died in the woods."

"You don't know the whole story, Karev, so why don't you just shut up!" she said defensively. "Both of you! I choose to stay with Owen, because I love him. And I choose Columbia, because it is one of the leading hospitals in the country and has a great cardio program. And yes, because he got s great job offer too. It is called compromise."

"You don't do compromises." Alex said. "You are Yang. Cristina Yang." he said in a James Bond style of speaking.

"Well, people change." she told him.

"So, you've only talked about it once? The having-a-child thing?" Meredith asked again.

"Yes." Cristina confirmed.

"And he said he chooses you." Alex asked skeptically.

"Yes."

"Yang, I will tell you this as...my friend." he started moving closely to her in his chair. "I mean, we've known each other long enough and you've been there for...a lot." he exhaled deeply. "Here is what I think – from a male perspective. He is lying. Okay, not lying, lying, but still lying."

"English was not your best subject, isn't it?" Cristina asked sarcastically.

"Anyway. The guy wants to be a father. He says he doesn't want it now, that he chooses you over being a parent, but this ain't gonna last forever. He said it, because you almost died, he was close to loosing you forever. He is probably scared that if he speaks his true mind about the issue, he will loose you!"

There was a long silence between the three of them.

"Look, Cristina before you make any further steps concerning your future, talk to him. Again and again, until you are absolutely sure that one day, few years from now, he is not going to leave you for someone who is willing to fulfill his desire to be a father. He did cheat on you. Do not ever forget that." Meredith said looking at her friend with concern.

"Can we stop talking about that?" Cristina finally said. "It is our last night together."

"Last? Come on, we are all in the neighborhood." Alex said cheerfully. "Although, I must say I am not going to miss you a whole lot, considering there is always some bat shit drama going on in your both personal and professional lives." he teased and slowly the mood started to light up again.

The three of them spent the rest of the night drinking, laughing and remembering. Their internships, different moments, procedures and patients throughout their residency. The people they were able to save, those that didn't make it to a good outcome. They were able to summarize five years of training in 4 hours and two bottles of tequila. When they eventually parted and got into their own cabs, the feeling of leaving haven't fully kicked in. It felt like one of those nights they just spent at Joe's. It felt like they were going to see each other tomorrow morning with a cup of coffee and a raging hangover.

It wasn't until Cristina finally reached the firehouse and saw the living room empty and only a few boxes left on the floor, that she finally realized she was leaving. Forever.

She found Owen asleep. They haven't moved their bed yet – he was in charge of the whole process and Cristina was just going with it. She looked at him, sleeping peacefully. No nightmares, no visible signs of troubles. Chest raising and falling. She loved him, she always loved him. There was something about them, as a couple – on paper, they should not be together. A choking, an abortion, cheating, collapse – every other sane person would have walked away. But they were still together – it was this strong chemistry that always drove them back together. But would this natural force be enough for them to stay together? Forever? Were Alex and Meredith right? Would he change his mind after few years and bring out the skeleton from the closet? Cristina shook her head, tossed her jacked and shoes on the floor and carefully crawled into the bed, curling up next to Owen. He shifted in his sleep and once he realized the presence of another person, he opened his eyes.

"Cristina?" he said quietly.

She just smiled in the dark and shifted on top of him, burying her face into his chest and locking her hands around his neck. Owen's hands quickly found their way around her and he held her tightly.

"I am scared you will leave." Cristina said, but her words were muffled in his chest.

"What was that?" Owen asked in a tired voice, because he couldn't quite hear what she said. After few minutes of silence, he gently caressed her hair in whispered in her ear. "I love you."

Soon they both drifted away in a heavy sleep, not letting go of one another.


End file.
